Relationships... Friendships...People. The definition of fucking awful. I dont know how I pick the people around me... I always seem to end up in the fucked up situation. A shitty life, I can deal with. I can take it.
But these feelings, these situations, with other living breathing people.
If you had told me things would be this way a few years ago, Id probably tell you youre an idiot and laugh in your face.
Stupid, stupid old Rene... You were so much better... No, no you werent. You were just simpler... Screwed up, too many problems, over emotional, but so much simpler.
The days when I could just go to my computer, messed up and crying, and post to blogdrive. And everything would feel just that little bit better, messed up but better. I had two friends that new mostly everything about me, and even if they didnt I didnt mind them reading my posts, because I knew they would understand whatever I wrote about.
Now I just feel like everythings stuck in my head. I cant even write it here. I just cant do it... Two of the methods that worked so well, I cant use anymore.
And it feels so bad...
It feels like theres no escape. Like there used to be...
I fucking hate change...

I just want to be old Rene... Atleast she knew how to deal with things
I want my friends back. I want my life back. I just want things to be the way they were a few years ago...
So badly...